5 Tips for Being a Better Parent

Everyone who has raised or is raising a child is familiar with this scene: a 3-year-old child asks for a toy, a candy, or anything else, and if they can't get it, they start crying, and if they still don't achieve their goal, they throw a tantrum. In such situations, inexperienced parents may panic, overreact, or try to solve the situation by doing everything the child says. However, according to Dr. Laurence Steinberg, an expert who has been working in the field of child development for 75 years, immediately taking children with behavioral problems to a psychiatrist or punishing them is not always the right approach. Child education, especially behavioral issues, can often be effectively addressed with simple measures or small changes in daily life, provided there is no serious cognitive disorder. Here are a few suggestions from Dr. Steinberg that can help you be a good parent and prepare your child for life using modern, non-punitive methods.

1. Be a Role Model: Your Behavior Shapes Their Future

The principle that "what you do is more important than what you say" is a fundamental rule in parenting. Children learn more by observing than by listening to what is said. Many habits, attitudes, behaviors, and knowledge that they carry into adulthood are learned by watching their parents. Therefore, to be a good parent, you need to not only set various rules for your child but also be the best example for them.

• If you expect your child to control their anger, learn to control your own anger.

• While explaining the importance of honesty, be honest and transparent in your daily life.

• If you want them to be respectful and kind to others, embody these values in your relationships with your spouse, family, and those around you.

This consistent role modeling prevents your child from seeing a contradiction between your words and actions and enhances the permanence of the education you provide.

2. Break the Myth of Unconditional Love and Spoiling

Children do not become spoiled by love. On the contrary, unconditional love and trust are the most important keys to developing a healthy personality in a child. The problem of spoiling in children often arises not from the love they receive but from other things that are mistaken for love.

• Material Spoiling: Constantly buying toys and snacks without considering necessity causes the child to link their happiness to external objects.

• Unlimited Tolerance: Excessively relaxed boundaries and ignoring mistakes prevent the child from learning rules and limits.

• Excessive Intervention: Constantly intervening in problems that the child should solve on their own undermines their self-confidence and problem-solving skills.

Show your love abundantly; hug them, say kind words, and make them feel your presence. However, do not confuse love with spoiling; even in a loving environment, there must be healthy boundaries and consistent rules.

3. Actively Engage in Your Child's Life

Being an involved parent is a challenging task that requires you to seriously reconsider and rearrange your priorities in life. Especially for young children and to some extent adolescents, it is crucial to be involved in their lives not only mentally but also physically, within your means. Because children may not always be able to grasp that "your heart is with them," even if you have no ill intentions.

• Participate in school events,

• Play games with them,

• Talk about their day during dinner,

• Genuinely show interest in their hobbies and interests.

This active participation helps your child feel valued and strengthens the bond between you. These moments are the most precious opportunities to communicate with them and convey your values.

4. Shape Your Parenting Views According to Your Child

Many of us form certain patterns in our minds about what kind of mother or father we will be before having children. However, our children do not come into the world according to the "right" or "perfect" patterns in your mind. They have their unique characters, inner worlds, and desires that can vary by age and environment. Forcing your child to fit into the patterns you have created in your mind will not yield good results in any case. At this point, you are the one who needs to be a little flexible and take your child's character into account.

• Get to Know Your Child: Try to understand what they like, what upsets them, and how they react.

• Be Flexible: Instead of constantly forcing a shy child into crowded environments, provide them with smaller and safer settings to develop their social skills.

• Encourage Individuality: Allow your child to explore their own interests. Support them to be the individual they want to be, not the one you want them to be.

5. The Power of Rules and Consistency

If you cannot manage your child's behavior at an early age, they will not know how to behave when they grow up and enter environments where you are not present (school, work, peer groups, etc.). Children, although they may not like rules and often complain about having to follow them, actually need a certain set of rules to create a safe environment for their physical and mental development. Rules teach them boundaries and show them what to expect.

At this point, it is important to be objective when setting rules, to consider your child's opinion, and not to adjust the rules according to your own comfort or order. Once you have decided on rules that do not overly restrict the child, allow them some freedom of movement while also ensuring they learn general behavioral rules, it is critical from a child development perspective that you do not bend these rules under any circumstances (yes, even during tantrums). Consistency teaches the child that rules are not negotiable.

In conclusion, being a good parent does not mean being perfect. It is a journey of continuous learning, self-reflection, and being sensitive to your child's individual needs. By incorporating the above 5 principles into your life, you can help your child become a happier, more confident, and better-prepared individual for life.